SOUNDTRACK

Has this ever happened to you? You're doing something extremely mundane, like watching the sky from inside the car, and you suddenly hear a song playing in your head. Like background music. And you smile a bit and thnk, perfect song.

Music is important. I have very poor memory, but I am amazed at the capacity of my brain to store songs. I think it's the same for most people. Songs have very good recall. I was taught that singing a church song is very powerful, because it is a prayer said twice over. A single song has a far greater ability to evoke emotion and thought than an entire book. A lot like poetry. Powerful, songs are. As Nick Hornby asked, "Do I listen to pop music because I'm sad, or am I sad because I listen to pop music?"

Milan Kundera said (can't get enough, he says a lot of things), and I paraphrase, our lives are like one giant composition. They are filled with different notes, melodies that give rhythm and definition to the persons that we are and will become. He does not mean this in exactly the same way I did with the background music bit. But it does make a lot of sense, and has parallel logic.

Each person has a story or, more aptly, a music sheet. He points this out in the context of two people meeting and finding each other, to give meaning to each other and share one life. It is at this point that their separate stories merge to form one great, harmonious song. And then you have the cliche, "making beautiful music together."

Anyway, if songs (the real ones, as in those you hear on the radio) are part of that story, as they most usually, inextricably are, then they are like the second voice to our life's melody. Physical manifestations of our metaphysical musical journey. Actual juxtaposed with the spiritual. That's why you have a song dedicated to your lover, friend, mother, a moment, an episode, a dream.

So whether you're staring out the window or crying your heart out over a lost love, music will inevitably be there, sometimes soft and soothing, other times loud, punctuating each heavy beat your heart makes. Calm, explosive, reassuring, confusing, enlightening, angry, sad, melancholy, peaceful. It is threaded into everying that you are, have been and could be. The soundtrack of your life. And when you look back at the moments grand and minute, you also hear your songs. We Will Rock You (Queen) - Grade 4 soccer kickball championship. Step By Step (New Kids on the Block) - Grade 5, barkada heyday. On Eagle's Wings, Light of a Million Mornings - Grade school graduation practice. Buloy and almost everything else by Parokya, Eheads and Alanis - 2nd Year (one of the best years of my high school life, first time I learned how to curse "properly" nyahaha). Angel Wings (class grad song), Ikaw Lamang, Ikaw Lang ang Mamahalin - 4th year (another of the best years of high school). Can't Fight This Feeling - When I thought I was falling in love for the first time (corny tsong!). Worlds Collide (Plumb), Waiting in Vain, Breakdown - First heartbreak.

The Terminal. 500 Miles. Honey. Gemini. Kahit pa. With a Smile. Engelbert Humperdink. Puff the Magic Dragon. Frank Sinatra. Michael Jacskon. Westlife. The Corrs. Freestyle. Heck, even F4.

We are all bursting in song. Music in motion.

Question, though. Is it wrong to be jealous of someone else's music?

We sometimes feel a sense of ownership over songs, don't we? True, we don't have a monopoly over music, but Ikaw Lamang will always be the property of 4H, St. Scho Batch '99. Sometimes When We Touch will be Mama's and Papa's forever.

MY song. YOUR song. OUR song.

Different songs mean different things to different people. And yet when you come across someone who gives meaning to the same song, albeit in another, perhaps completely different way, you stop and say, hey waitaminute. Especially if it means a lot to you, and you realize that it might also mean a lot, maybe so much more, to another.

AND YOU DON'T WANT IT TO. Because the song tells a story, not yours, but HIS or HER or THEIR story, deep and wonderful and courageous. And because you know so well the meaning of music and the beauty of a story, this particular story, you know just how perfect it is. And you're jealous (of a song!), just as we're sometimes jealous of someone's past, as if it's a phantom that will come out of the shadows to get us.

Thus, your selfish heart craves to pluck out and tear away the thread that makes up that song, to erase it from the tapestry of a person's life.

But you can't erase it. In fact, you don't want to, because the tapestry is so utterly beautiful. That single thread contributes to the whole, and you don't want to destroy the whole. You respect it and honor it. It is sacred, and you will do anything to preserve its beauty.

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On my 16th birthday, Divina, one of my closest high school friends, gave me an compilation tape. An actual soundtrack.:) That was long, long ago, but I treasure that tape and keep it to this day. It reminds me of everything that I was back then, as a kid growing up and searching for herself, finding comfort and strength in the love and faith of a friend.

It has a song that I love. A part of my story.

And others' as well, for different and equally perfect reasons. And that's okay. I think.


Power of Two
Indigo Girls

Now the parking lot is empty
Everyone's gone someplace
I pick you up and in the trunk I've packed
A cooler and a 2-day suitcase
Cause there's a place we like to drive
Way out in the country
Five miles out of the city limit we're singing
And your hand's upon my knee

So we're okay
We're fine
Baby I'm here to stop your crying
Chase all the ghosts from your head
I'm stronger than the monster beneath your bed
Smarter than the tricks played on your heart
We'll look at them together then we'll take them apart
Adding up the total of a love that's true
Multiply life by the power of two

You know the things that I am afraid of
I’m not afraid to tell
And if we ever leave a legacy
It’s that we loved each other well
Cause I’ve seen the shadows of so many people
Trying on the treasures of youth
But a road that fancy and fast
Ends in a fatal crash
And I’m glad we got off
To tell you the truth

Cause we're okay
We're fine
Baby I'm here to stop your crying
Chase all the ghosts from your head
I'm stronger than the monster beneath your bed
Smarter than the tricks played on your heart
We'll look at them together then we'll take them apart
Adding up the total of a love that's true
Multiply life by the power of two

All the shiny little trinkets of temptation
(make new friends)
Something new instead of something old
(but keep the old)
All you gotta do is scratch beneath the surface
(but remember what is gold)
And it’s fools gold
(what is gold)
Fools gold
(what is gold)
Fools gold

Now we're talking about a difficult thing
And your eyes are getting wet
I took us for better and I took us for worse
Don’t you ever forget it
Now the steel bars between me and a promise
Suddenly bend with ease
The closer I'm bound in love to you
The closer I am to free

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This isn't pain I'm feeling, it's nostalgia. -Ally McBeal